FV405: Body Swap
by Fifth Voyager
Summary: Things get more than complicated when Janeway's estranged son swaps bodies with his sister's boyfriend.
1. Chapter 1

**Body Swap**

**Written / **2nd - 4th October 2003

--

**Enterprise Security Office**

Naomi, Zare, Foster and Evil C were all sitting around or on the main desk playing Poker. Craig wandered into the room, he made his way over to the main table, "hi guys."

Foster jumped in shock, dropping his cards. Naomi pouted, "aaw man, I fold."

"Looks like it's just me and you C," Zare sneered with an evil glint in her eye.

"I'll say it again, hi guys," Craig said.

"Yeah whatever," Naomi muttered, pulling herself out of the chair.

Craig leaned on the desk, "ok, why do I get the feeling that I've done something wrong?"

"Shh, I'm trying to win at Poker here," Zare muttered.

Evil C tried to keep a straight face, "she can try, but she's too new to the game."

Zare narrowed her eyes, "we'll see about that, I raise you twenty."

Craig shook his head, "nothing going on again today?"

"Nope, this galaxy must be the most boring in the galaxy," Naomi replied.

Craig looked confused, "you mean universe, right?"

"Huh?" Naomi stuttered.

"Well I'm pretty sure there is only one galaxy in this galaxy," Craig said.

"Oh.. shut up," Naomi grumbled.

Zare pushed Craig lightly, "you're cramping my style, shoo." A small box fell out of his pocket and landed on the table.

"What's that? It looks like a ring box," Foster said.

Craig quickly grabbed the box, "you're crazy, it's just an empty box."

"Oh come on Craig we'll find out anyway. Are you going to propose to Lena or something?" Foster said questioningly.

"No.. she'd punch me," Craig replied meekly.

"Probably," Zare commented.

"Maybe not, I mean she's stupid enough to be dating you already," Naomi said.

"Oh thanks both of you, I feel much better now," Craig muttered.

"Just ignore them. I think you should do it, you'll never know until you do it," Evil C said.

"Yeah he's right. Are you a man or a mouse?" Foster said.

Craig sat down in Naomi's chair, "does anyone have any cheese?"

"What about cheese?" James asked as he walked up to the table.

This time Evil C jumped, dropping all his cards onto the table. Zare glanced over at them, "ha I win, give me your rations."

"People dropping their cards by accident doesn't count," Evil C said.

"It counts mister, you put them down and I have a flush," Zare said, putting her cards on the table.

"Ok.. this is new," James muttered. He glanced at Craig, "what were you saying about cheese?"

Craig quickly put the ring box back in his pocket, "there's a rat on the ship.. I need to give it bait to catch and kill it."

Zare shook her head as she gathered up her rations, "no we were talking about him.." Craig quickly put a hand over her mouth.

Craig laughed nervously, "I got rid of one of the rats in her room, she keeps saying I'm great for doing it."

Zare glared at him, she pushed his hand off her mouth. James glanced at her, "why did they ever let you out of care?"

Zare pulled a face, "I don't think he's great."

"She's being modest," Craig said nervously.

"Ok, what's going on?" James asked.

Naomi tried her best not to laugh, "oh nothing you want to know about, not yet. You have to see it, and then the result."

"Naomi, I already told him about the rat. So what if there will be blood, there wont be much," Craig stuttered.

"I find rats being on this ship hard to believe, Neelix only cooked on Voyager," James said.

Zare turned even more paler than she usually does, "oh my god, he cooked rats?"

"Once, he did eat one raw once," Foster replied.

"He did.. I'd remember that," James said.

"You were really drunk at the time, I mean you thought the wall was the door and you left a dent in it. Actually it was your fault he ate a rat," Foster said.

"Can we please change the subject?" Evil C questioned.

"Please," James said quickly.

_In: "Janeway to Security."_

Craig pressed a button on the desk's console, "security here."

_In: "We've just found an abandoned ship with supplies, I think a security team should go aboard with an odd few others."_

"I think Craig should lead it instead of James. Does anyone who went on that last mission he led even remember what happened?" Foster said.

"Um no," Naomi replied.

"Exactly," Foster muttered.

_In: "Guys, I'd rather have the toughest you know supplies missions, disastrous."_

"Did I mention the last shopping trip team James led.. oh yes I did," Foster said.

James rolled his eyes, "shut the hell up."

_In: "Just have James, Zare and Craig meet the rest of the team in the transporter room. Janeway out."_

"Why Craig? He's a wuss," Naomi said.

"No I'm not," Craig muttered.

"Just be thankful you're not going, I sure am. I like my memory the way it is," Foster commented.

"So should I just hit you then?" James questioned.

Foster turned pale, "no thanks."

**The abandoned ship**

James, Craig, Zare, Bryan, Tani and Tom rematerialised in a dark smoke filled corridor.

"Ok, you know the drill, we split up into pairs," Tom said.

"Oh I get it, one security person in each team," Bryan said.

"Um no actually," Tom muttered.

"I'll split everyone up into threes," Craig said. He pointed at everyone as he said their name, "Tom, Tani and Zare. Me, Bryan and.." He glanced at James looking worried, "and you."

"I'm not going to wipe anyone's memory for goodness sake!" James snapped.

"Ok, I'm so glad that's settled. Meet back here in ten minutes," Tom said. He, Tani and Zare walked off down the corridor.

"Lets go then," Bryan said cheerfully, he walked off in a different direction to the others. James and Craig slowly followed him. They turned a corner to find themselves at a dead end.

"Well um.. this is good," Craig muttered.

Bryan wandered over to a wall panel, "maybe this'll tell us where we can go." He started pressing some of the buttons.

Craig rushed over, "don't press anything, you don't know what they do."

Bryan shrugged, "it's only a wall panel, nothing bad can happen because of it."

"Bryan, he's right, and I don't like to say that about Craig," James said as he walked over.

"Yeah," Craig said. He glanced at James, "that's not very nice."

Bryan pressed one other button, a forcefield went around James and Craig. "Ok that didn't do anything," he muttered.

Craig placed his hand on the forcefield, "ow.. yes it did."

Bryan glanced back at them, "uhoh. Hang on, the button to release it should be here."

"Don't press anything," James said slowly.

"Why not?" Bryan asked, just as slow.

"Because I said so, just get somebody else," James replied.

"Oh please, I can do this," Bryan said. He turned back around, he pressed another button. "Anything happen there?" he asked, turning around again. The forcefield had gone, but James and Craig were lying unconscious on the ground.

**Enterprise Bridge**

"Hmm, it's been pretty quiet for a while. Anyone taking any bets on what's happening this time?" Triah commented.

"Beat you to it. My week's rations is on a giant monster that eats Tom whole, and we spend the whole episode getting him out," Kiara replied.

"That's stupid," Jessie muttered.

Triah turned around, "Lena, what do you think?"

Lena didn't answer her, she had headphones over her head. Kiara waved her hand in front of her face. Lena pulled the headphones off, "what?"

"What are you listening to?" Kiara asked.

"Music duh," Lena replied.

"Two days rations are on the new Lene album, or sorry three hundred year old Lene album," Kiara said, glancing around nervously. "That was a close one."

Triah shook her head, "so obsessive." She gasped in horror, "oh my god, who put this bit of dust on my console?"

Lena glanced around, "did you interrupt my break for a reason?"

"Didn't know you were on break," Kiara muttered.

"They were betting on what bad thing is going to happen on that ship," Jessie said.

"Oh ok," Lena said, putting her headphones back over her head.

_In: "Paris to Enterprise."_

"Oh Tom, are you in some creature's stomach?" Kiara asked.

_In: "Uh.. no."_

"Aaaw man," Kiara moaned, she stormed into the turbolift.

Lena pulled her headphones off her head, "ok Tom, what's happened?"

"Wow, how did you hear with those on?" Jessie asked.

"The song had just finished," Lena replied.

_In: "Look, Craig and James got hurt, they need to get to Sickbay."_

"Why can't it be you for a change," Jessie snapped.

_In: "Ok next time I'll try to get hurt, ok!"_

"It's not the same if you try," Jessie muttered.

Lena pressed a few buttons on the chair's side panel, "Sickbay's standing by. Anyway Tom, what happened this time?"

_In: "Hang on.. Tani you do the beaming."_

_In: "Gladly."_

_In: "I don't know exactly, Bryan said something about a forcefield going around them."_

"Maybe it took away the air," Triah said.

_In: "No they're breathing fine."_

_In: "I didn't press any buttons I swear!"_

_In: "I think Bryan pressed the wrong button. Should we continue the mission?"_

"Yeah, but bring Bryan to Sickbay, I want to talk to him," Lena replied.

_In: "Oh god.. I'm too young to die!"_

Lena folded her arms, "I'm not going to kill or hurt anyone, why does everyone think I only use violence?"

_In: "Not answering that, Paris out."_

Lena glanced at Jessie and then Triah, "well?"

"I dunno, you seem like a really sweet girl," Triah sniggered.

"I have no right to criticize here," Jessie muttered.

Lena stood up, "fine whatever, Jessie are you coming to Sickbay?"

"Yeah," Jessie replied.

"Shouldn't there be somebody in charge?" Triah asked.

"Good point," Lena replied. She turned to the guy at the helm, "you have the bridge." She and Jessie stepped into the turbolift.

Triah gasped, "oh my god, stop that!"

The guy meekly pulled his finger out of his nose, "what?"

Triah cringed, "eew."

**Sickbay**

Freddie closed his tricorder, "there's nothing wrong with them."

"Oh thank god, they probably just fainted or something," Bryan stuttered.

"I don't think that was it either. I'll wake them," Freddie said. He used two different hyposprays on Craig and James.

James woke up first, he sat up, "Bryan, didn't I tell you not to push any buttons?" He tried to clear his throat.

Bryan pouted, "I'm sorry, please don't hurt me, or set your sister onto me."

James looked confused, "well that's different, why would I set my sister onto you?" He glanced to his right where Craig was lying, he rubbed his eyes, "um I think there's something wrong with my eyes."

Bryan shrugged, "no, Craig's always that ugly."

James glared in his direction, "I am not.. wait, what?"

Freddie raised his eyebrow, "hmm, I wonder if these tricorders miss out insanity."

"Why is there two me's, and where is James?" James stuttered.

Bryan placed a hand on his forehead, "huh.. ok this is really confusing me."

Freddie marched his way over to the console nearby, "I'll do a more detailed scan. He must of gone insane."

Craig woke up, "ok I'm going to kill that brat." He sat up, "um Doc?"

Freddie glanced back, "yes?"

"What happened, I feel really weak?" Craig asked.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Freddie replied, turning back around.

Craig glanced at James, he gasped in shock, "oh my god!"

"Yeah, I thought it was pretty weird. Fred thinks I'm insane," James said.

Freddie turned around, "I think I know what the problem is.."

Craig glanced at his arms and then his hands, "oh my god, worst nightmare come true."

"There are different brain waves in each of your heads, I think you've swapped bodies," Freddie said.

James' eyes widened, "what? No, I don't want to be short again!"

Craig glanced at him, "hey, I'm not short.. well at least not now."

"Well that's great, I'm going now," Bryan stuttered. He turned to leave just as Lena and Jessie came into the room. "Hi Lena, hi Jessie. Did I ever tell you both how great you are, and how pretty? Good ok, I'm going." He tried to push passed them but Lena grabbed a hold of his arm.

"Hey what's the hurry?" Lena asked.

Craig pulled himself off the biobed, "I can't do this, I must be dreaming right?" He glanced at his hands in disgust, "ugh.. these hands are boney."

"They're good hands ok," James grumbled.

Jessie and Lena glanced at each other. "Ok, have they gone insane?" Lena questioned.

Jessie headed over to Craig and James, "oh my god."

James glanced down at his left wrist, "hey nice watch."

"Keep your hands.. my hands off it mister," Craig grumbled.

Lena's eyes then widened, "oh dear god, they've swapped."

"Uh huh," Jessie stuttered.

Lena glared at Bryan who had gone slightly pale, "what the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything that could of done this, I swear," Bryan stuttered.

Jessie stepped closer to Craig, she looked up at him, "are you ok, how bad is it?"

"Really bad.. um Jess, were you always this small?" Craig replied.

"No honey, you're just in a lank guy's body," Jessie said.

"Hey," James grumbled.

Lena shook her head, "look Bryan, you go to my Ready Room and stay there. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Bryan nodded his head nervously, he shuffled out of the room.

"Craig, one question," Craig said.

"Ok shoot," James said.

"When was the last time you went to the bathroom, you know like toilet or shower?" Craig asked.

"I should ask you the same thing," James said.

"So that's the biggest problem, huh," Lena muttered sarcastically.

"Well it's a problem, I don't want to have to do that until I'm in my own body again," Craig said.

"Same here. Ok first one today, second one two days ago," James replied.

Jessie tried not to laugh, "this is something I never really saw coming."

"Right this is easy, today and yesterday," Craig said.

"Now that we're over that, what about the whole my boyfriend being in my half brother's body thing?" Lena muttered.

"Well what about me, my husband is in Craig's body," Jessie commented.

"Not the same thing Jess," Lena muttered.

"Yeah I know, just it's Craig," Jessie muttered.

"Hey watch it, I'm strong now," James grumbled.

Craig and Jessie glared at him. "Touch her and I'll do something to your hair," Craig said.

"No, anything but that. I'll be good," James stuttered.

Freddie shook his head, "ok I'll start working on a cure before violence begins."

"I'll talk to Bryan, he might remember what buttons he pressed," Lena said. She turned to leave.

"So I guess our date tonight is off then," James said.

Lena just shuddered and walked out of the room. "Ok, that sounded weird," Jessie commented.

Craig wasn't listening, he was too busy staring at the jeans he was wearing with a disgusted look on his face. "Where did you get these?"

"The replicator, they're very good jeans ok," James muttered.

Craig put one hand in his pocket, "if you say so.. hey what's this." He pulled out the ring box.

James' eyes widened, "that's nothing, it's just my security blanket thing. It's empty."

Jessie snatched the box off Craig, "no there's something inside it." She opened it, "there's a ring in here alright, a diamond one."

Craig glared in James' direction, "were you going to propose to my sister?"

"No.. marriage sucks, it's only for losers, um and you, and Jessie, and B'Elanna," James stuttered in response.

"Isn't she a bit young to be married?" Craig questioned as he walked over to James.

"Stop right there, I'm stronger than you now.." James said.

"Yeah and you don't want to punch yourself, right guys?" Jessie said as she rushed to stand in between the two.

"No.. it's a really nice face," James said.

Craig tried not to laugh, "yeah right."

Freddie stood next to Jessie, "I think we should separate them."

"Good idea," Jessie muttered.

**T****O BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**Body Swap**

**Written / **2nd - 4th October 2003

--

**The Ready Room**

Bryan sat down in the chair opposite Lena, "I only pressed a few buttons, I told you."

"Ok, we'll go aboard that ship again and you're going to show me which buttons you pressed," Lena said.

"You promise you wont hit me?" Bryan meekly asked.

Lena sighed, "no."

Bryan grinned, "thanks."

"I just hope you realise what's going on. If we can't get those two back in the right bodies, who knows what'll happen," Lena muttered.

"It's ok, I'll try and remember. They wont stay stuck, promise," Bryan muttered.

"I may hold you to that," Lena said.

"Mum kept telling me not to lie or break promises, cos if I do I'll turn into dad. I wont break my promise," Bryan said.

"Ok, we'll go aboard when your dad's team comes back. If you can't get it straight away we'll just go back later. In between those times you can help keep an eye on Craig," Lena said.

"But.. he's in the body that'll hurt me easily," Bryan muttered.

"Jessie'll keep an eye on James, I need someone to watch Craig," Lena said.

"He doesn't need watching," Bryan said.

Lena tried not to laugh, "oh but he does."

**A little while later, Deck 9**

James was strolling down the corridor looking a bit too cheerful. Daniel was coming towards him smoking away, James stopped in front of him.

"Bloody hell, what do you want pansy Anderson?" Daniel muttered.

James frowned, "what Anderson? I'm not Anderson, I'm James.. you know.."

Daniel raised his eyebrow, "Wesley told me ok so cut it out."

"How would Wesley know?" James said questioningly.

"I don't know, I didn't want to ask.. hanging around him cramps my style," Daniel replied. James rolled his eyes. "Why are you pretending to be him anyway?"

"I wanted to see how strong I am now, I figured James hated you so.." James replied.

"Why don't you try that first officer, he seems to hate him," Daniel said.

"He's not back yet," James said.

"Holodeck then," Daniel muttered.

James nodded his head, "good idea." He wandered off.

Daniel shook his head, "weirdo."

**T****he Mess Hall**

Jessie sat down at one of the tables opposite Craig, she eyed him looking worried. He glanced up at her, "what?"

"You're eating an awful lot of crisps," Jessie muttered.

"He's hungry, I shouldn't care but it obviously affects me now," Craig said.

"Why don't you eat a proper meal then?" Jessie suggested.

"I would but these crisps are fattening enough," Craig replied.

Jessie tried to keep a straight face, "are you trying to make Craig fat?"

Craig groaned while dumping the crisps on the table, "why not? He's probably out there hitting anyone who's bullied him using my hands, I think this is small compared to that."

"Not really," Jessie muttered.

"Oh it is, probably the people he wants to hit, or has already hit, don't know what's happened," Craig said.

"Why do I get the feeling that this has something to do with Lena?" Jessie said questioningly.

"Are you kidding? I'd love to see him try and propose to her, and her knock his head off. As long as he doesn't do it in my body," Craig replied.

"I doubt he would, you being her brother and all," Jessie said.

**Meanwhile, the abandoned ship**

Bryan and Lena turned the corner and ended up at the dead end, they both headed over to the wall panel. "This is it," he said.

"Good, don't press anything, just show me which buttons you pressed," Lena said.

Bryan squinted his eyes, he backed off a little. "Um, not sure yet."

"Take your time, we have to get this right," Lena said.

**The Enterprise**

Tom was walking down a corridor whistling some tune, James turned the corner, he picked up speed to catch up with. Tom jumped slightly, "oh Craig, how are you doing?"

"Fine, fine.. sort of. My god you're tall.. anyway the question is, how are you?" James replied.

"I'm good," Tom said.

"Good," James said. He quickly went in front of Tom, forcing him to stop. "Cos I'm going to hit you."

Tom raised his eyebrow, "um, can I ask why?"

"Cos your kid did this to me. I mean I can't go out with my girlfriend cos it would be sick, I'm technically married to Jessie, James has my engage... money, I'm a lot shorter than I used to be, and lastly it would be rather gay to go to the bathroom. The only good thing is that I'm stronger, please just let me test it," James replied.

Tom shook his head, "you don't have to, really. Plus Bryan is really sorry about what happened."

"But it would look natural to people who don't know, if I hit you," James said.

Tom shook his head, "no.. James has hit Daniel more than me, I swear."

James shrugged, he punched Tom in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"Are you still conscious?" James asked.

Tom pulled himself up, "just.. oh that's weird, you don't punch as hard as James."

"But I'm in his body, not possible," James stuttered.

"Listen, if you want to punch as hard as you can, you've got to be angry. Hang on let me annoy you," Tom said. He cleared his throat, "so is Lena dating you cos of a be.. wait a minute, why am I helping you?" He ran off as fast as he could.

"As a be.. what's that mean?" James asked, but Tom didn't hear him. "Crap."

Meanwhile Craig and Jessie were hanging around just around the corner. "I knew this is what he'd be doing," Craig muttered.

"Is it just me, or did he make you look stupid when he punched him?" Jessie questioned. Craig glanced at her. "Um.. just being honest."

"It's ok he did. Obviously Craig isn't used to punching," Craig replied. He glanced down at his hands, "no wonder, I couldn't even beat anyone at arm wrestling, I even lost to Naomi for goodness sake."

Jessie tried to keep a straight face, "I can't believe you challenged everyone."

Wesley came up behind the two, "hey." They both jumped, they quickly turned around. "Sorry."

"What do you want?" Craig asked.

"Up for training?" Wesley replied.

"You must be joking," Craig muttered.

"I'm not, you can't let a little body swap get in the way of your responsibilities," Wesley said.

"Hello, as long as I'm in this body I am not a Slayer," Craig said.

"Nonsense, you still have it in you. Now come on," Wesley said.

"Look he's right James, it may keep your mind off it," Jessie said.

"Yeah until I try and hit a holo demon, then I'll wake up in Sickbay," Craig muttered.

"Well it's either that or trying to explain to the kids what happened," Jessie said.

Craig glanced at Wesley, "ok that's sounds good, lets go."

"Excellent," Wesley said cheerfully. He and Craig headed off down the corridor. Jessie sighed as she headed off in the opposite direction.

**The Mess Hall**

Bryan and Lena entered the room, Lena spotted James sitting on his own, she dragged Bryan over to the table.

"Hey, how's things?" Lena asked.

"Ok.. I hit Tom but he said I didn't punch as hard as James does. How is that possible?" James replied.

"Maybe cos you're not him," Lena said.

"I don't get that," James muttered.

"Yeah but he's used to hitting people, you're not," Lena said.

"I guess," James muttered.

A hole suddenly appeared in the wall, a cloud of smoke or dust went everywhere. Lena, James and Bryan slowly went towards the hole, along with everybody else in the room. The dust cleared to reveal Zare on the ground, "stupid arsehole, my hair's probably all white."

"Ok, who's the arsehole this time?" Lena asked.

Zare pointed at the hole, "that."

A few people screamed and ran towards the further away door. Lena, James and Bryan glanced towards the hole, a couple scrawny demons were busy jumping through the hole.

"Oh.. piece of cake," Lena said. She punched one of the demons, it grabbed a hold of her and threw her into one of the tables.

"I was going to tell you that they're not," Zare muttered.

James stepped closer to the demons, "let me handle it for once."

"Oh dear god," Bryan muttered, he stepped backwards.

James tried to crack his knuckles, he failed miserably and a little painfully, "ow.. ok pal you caught me on a bad day, lets make it easy sha.." One demon grabbed him and threw him, creating another hole in the wall.

Zare put her hand out, Lena took it, Zare pulled her onto her feet. "Ok, this is for hurting my boyfriend slash brother," Lena said.

Zare and the demons all looked disgusted, "eeew." Lena punched one of the demons in the face, it fell to the ground.

"Oh shut up all of you, they swapped bodies yeesh," she grumbled.

"Yeah, but that sounded a bit gross," Zare said. All of the demons then chose that moment to jump onto the pair.

Bryan glanced back and forth from the girls to James on the other side of the wall, he rushed over to him and tapped his commbadge. "Paris to Transporter Room, we need to beam James.. sorry Craig to Sickbay, no wait, do you know about the body swap?"

Lena got thrown into the kitchen, knocking a lot of stuff onto the floor. She immediately got back up, "ok I'm getting annoyed." She picked up two knives, "Zare!"

Zare glanced over as Lena threw a knife towards her, she managed to catch it by the handle. She stabbed the demon she was fighting in the chest.

Another demon jumped on top of the bench, Lena pulled on one of it's legs making it fall backwards. She plunged the knife into it's stomach. The remaining demon jumped back through one of the holes.

Lena dropped her knife onto the ground, she put her hand on her hip, "this is just great. Whatever happened to that banishing spell?"

Zare shrugged, "god knows. Wait, what's a banishing spell?"

Lena groaned, she tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Stuart."

In: "Um Captain, you've got Craig and me."

"Damn it, stupid commbadges!" Lena grumbled. "Computer, locate Craig Anderson."

**Holodeck 3**

"You've got to calm down," Wesley said calmly.

"Calm down? You have no idea how hard this is. For my entire life I've had this strength, but now look at me. I can't even hit anything without hurting my hand, even then I can't do much damage," Craig rambled. He kicked the holodeck wall, "see?"

"You can still be a Slayer in a normal person's body, you've just got to be more focused," Wesley replied.

Craig carefully sat down, "I didn't want to be a Slayer in the first place. What I wanted when I was younger, I have now but being in this body means I can't have that either."

"You mean a family?" Wesley questioned.

"Yeah, but you know that I can't live with my family like this. Plus I've ruined Lena's chances with Craig, she weirdly likes him and she can't go out with him, cos she's technically related to him now."

Wesley knelt down in front of him, "this may not be permanent you know."

"Luck seems to fail me more often that I'd like. I'll be stuck like this for the rest of his life, useless and miserable," Craig said.

"In my eyes, no one is useless. Everyone has a skill of some sort, besides you can still be a Slayer. You've just got to train more, you still have it in you," Wesley said.

"I told you, I didn't want to be one in the first place," Craig muttered.

"True, but you've had a large taste of it and you do like the job, don't you?" Wesley said questioningly.

Craig sighed, "I guess."

The holodeck doors opened, Lena and Zare rushed through them. Craig and Wesley stood back up. "You wont believe what visited us in the Mess Hall," Lena said.

"Pilaren demons," Zare said.

Wesley's eyes widened, "Pilaren, that's not possible."

"Ok two questions. One, who? Two, what?" Craig questioned.

Lena put her hand up, "yeah I'd like to know the answers to them."

"Pilaren demons are incredibly strong, they absorb Slayer strength as easily as you lot could drink that cherry stuff. They are only suppose to exist in one single dimension, the only way they can come into another dimension is if someone summons them," Wesley replied.

"Which can only be done by very few people in this universe," Zare said.

"People like who?" Lena asked.

Zare shrugged, "witches and watchers, but only a handful of them will have enough strength to do this."

Lena glanced at Craig, "someone on this ship must of done it, why else would they be here."

"They are attracted to Slayers, and you're right, they couldn't of come aboard any other way," Zare said.

"Hang on a mo, if the summoner is on this ship it just leaves us with very few suspects," Lena said.

"Which are Wesley, Daniel and James' hussy," Zare said.

"Hey watch it!" Craig snapped.

"I was just telling the truth," Zare muttered. Craig just shook his head.

Lena folded her arms, "it can't be Daniel cos his memory's crap, so he wont remember how to. Jessie's kind of a rookie to spells right now." Everyone glanced at Wesley.

"Why would I summon demons to this dimension?" Wesley muttered.

"Maybe cos you thought we weren't doing as much work lately?" Zare replied.

Lena sighed, "we're not going to solve this by doing guessing games."

"So how do we solve this?" Zare asked.

"Sometimes mysteries tend to solve themselves, if you let them," Wesley replied.

"Shut up Wesley," Zare, Craig and Lena muttered in unison.

**Meanwhile, Sickbay**

Freddie was busy scanning James as he sat on the biobed. Jessie and Bryan were standing nearby. "He'll be fine, lucky he was in the right body at the right time," Freddie said, chuckling to himself. Bryan, James and Jessie glared in his direction, he quickly stopped and walked off.

"Well this is just great. Did you seem me back there, I sucked big time," James grumbled.

"Yeah you sure did," Bryan said. He quickly backed away.

"You're not used to fighting," Jessie said.

"That's not the first time I heard that," James muttered.

Jessie sat down next to him, "why is this such a big deal to you? Did you think beating people you don't like up, or fighting demons would impress a certain someone?"

"Not impress Jessie. I love Lena, I don't want to see her hurt. I figured hitting people would get me used to fighting," James replied.

"Lena's tougher than she looks Craig, you know that," Jessie said.

"I know, that's the problem. I want to be able to protect her from all these demons and stuff, but I can't. Even in a Chosen Slayer's body I can't do it, what's the point?" James muttered.

"You could try giving her a cross necklace as a present, you know she hates vamps," Bryan suggested.

"Thanks but that wont fully protect her from them, will it?" James said.

Bryan groaned, he walked away.

"Look Craig, you're not living in the 19th century or even the 20th. You're just like James' dad in a way," Jessie said.

"Oh thanks a lot," James mumbled.

"He thought that the men needed to protect the women from harm, as he figured we're helpless creatures. Not all of us are," Jessie said.

James sighed, "I know that already, I just want to look after her. This is why I wanted to marry her."

Jessie shuddered a little, "sorry that sounded weird."

"You think? Imagine me now proposing to her, it would just be sick," James said.

"Ok lets just forget this body swap for a second. Lena may not need protecting from danger, but she still needs someone to look after her. Not that I'm saying you should marry her yet cos she's really young or anything," Jessie said.

"You're right, I mean it must be the same for Tom and B'Elanna," James said.

Jessie tried to keep a straight face, "I think you're better than Tom."

James nodded his head, "yeah definitely." Jessie placed her hand on his, he looked down looking a little worried. "Um, what are you doing?"

Jessie quickly moved her hand away, "sorry, I was the one who seemed to forgot about the body swap there. Hey wait, where's James' wedding ring?"

James reached into his pocket, he pulled out a ring, "my pocket, if I kept it on it'd be like I was married to you, which I don't want to be." Jessie glared at him. "No no, you got me wrong.. you are a nice girl, I just love Lena that's all."

Jessie smiled, "ha.. fooled you there."

Lena, Craig, Zare and Wesley entered the room, they all headed over to James and Jessie. "Ok you, what did you do to my body?" Craig asked.

"Oh he got it thrown through a wall," Bryan replied.

James shrugged, "sorry.. hey it's all treated anyway."

"I guess it's ok, it's not the first time," Craig said, glancing in Jessie's direction.

Jessie glanced down at the ground trying to look innocent, "I'm sure that didn't happen.. ever."

"Can we get back to the topic please?" Wesley asked.

"We didn't start one before the wall thing," Zare said.

"The Pilaren topic Zare," Wesley muttered.

James pulled himself off the biobed, "whatever that is, I'm sure it doesn't include me."

"Well if you're a witch or a watcher secretly, then that would be handy," Zare said.

"Look Lena, can we talk in private for a moment?" James asked.

Lena glanced at the others, "um ok."

"You can use my office," Freddie said.

Lena nodded her head, "thanks whatever." She headed for the office, James followed her.

Craig sighed, "I doubt this includes me either, right?" He headed for the main door.

"Well actually.." Wesley muttered.

Jessie quickly interrupted him, "it's ok, I'll deal with this." She rushed after Craig, she took a hold of his arm to stop him. "Why are you in a hurry?"

"I'm not it's just I doubt I can do anything to help here," Craig replied.

"James look, I know this whole being in Craig's body is not a pleasant experience but you can't just start thinking you're useless here, cos you're not," Jessie said.

"Ok Jessie, suggest something that I could do to help? Maybe I could distract a demon by hitting it and then crying like a baby," Craig said.

Meanwhile James and Lena were talking nearby Freddie's desk. "For goodness sake Craig, you didn't have to get yourself thrown through a wall to prove something to me," Lena was saying.

"Believe me, I didn't have that in mind," James said. "I didn't really intend to prove anything to you. You got hurt, I just wanted to protect you. Obviously I can't."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Lena asked, folding her arms.

"Um, not that I know of," James replied.

"At least once you've saved my life, and got yourself nearly killed trying to protect me. I think you do it very well, but I could do without the nearly getting yourself killed part," Lena said.

"Oh.. maybe I could work on that part then," James said.

"Believe me, you'll be feeling a lot better when you get your own body back," Lena said.

James nodded his head, "yeah, while I'm like this I can't touch you or kiss you cos it'll look weird, and be weird, especially for you."

Lena stepped closer to him, and kissed him.

Meanwhile again.. Jessie glanced briefly to her right, her eyes widened in horror, "oh.. my god, that's not pretty." She quickly ran out of the room.

Craig stared at the door looking pretty confused, "what's not pretty." He glanced to his left.

James pushed Lena away from him, "what the hell are you doing?"

"I would of thought you'd figure out what I was doing," Lena replied.

"Duh, I know what you did. I'm not exactly me, you get what I mean?" James stuttered.

"I think I noticed. Look it's not weird for me, when I look at you I see you, not my brother," Lena said.

Craig appeared at the doorway, "you know I thought I saw everything, but I never thought I'd see my own sister kiss me. Really, I didn't see it coming."

"For god's sake, I'm sorry ok! I didn't think.." Lena said.

"No obviously not. It's sick Lena, really sick. It would be like Jessie.. nope I can't even finish that," Craig muttered.

Lena rolled her eyes, she punched Craig, knocking him out easily. She turned back to James, "why are you two making a big deal of this?"

"Because you kissed your brother, not me. Plus you've damaged my face," James replied.

"James is unconscious at the moment.. I could easily damage something else and drug him with pain killers," Lena muttered, she stormed out of the room. James quickly followed her.

Lena turned back around, "what do you want from me Craig? You keep saying you love me, and I think me getting over the fact that you're in my brother's body and kissing you without getting disgusted is quite a lot."

"Maybe it would be if it was another guy, but this is your brother we're talking about here," James said.

Lena groaned, "ok I'm sorry, I just wanted to prove to you that I really like you."

James shook his head, "you remember when we split up a few years ago?"

"Of course I do," Lena replied.

"You definitely had a crush on James, and you were clueless about the whole estranged brother thing," James said.

Lena cringed, "eew I know where you're going with this. I never liked James that way, it was a like a sixth sense telling me that he was my brother, that's why we got along. You know what I mean?"

"Maybe you believe that, it doesn't make it true," James replied.

"I thought it was impossible for someone to like a sibling that way," Lena said.

"Well it's probably easier cos you both have different dads and didn't grow up together," James said.

Lena covered her face with her hands, "Craig I never liked him that way, I promise ok!"

"Whatever Lena. I'd say we should see other people but I wouldn't recommend dating your brother while he's in my body," James muttered. He walked away.

**Meanwhile**

Jessie ran into the turbolift, as soon as the door closed she covered her face with her hands. The door opened again revealing one of the demons, "hmm, you're my favourite type of victim, crying and lonely."

Jessie groaned as she turned around, "is your favourite type a woman scorned, well not really, but it looked like he was cheating but I knew he wasn't."

The demon pulled a confused expression, "huh?" Jessie kicked him in the leg, it stumbled out of the turbolift.

The demon regained it's balance, it grabbed a hold of Jessie by the neck, she tried to struggle but it was too strong for her.

"Hey bitch face!" Craig's voice yelled. The demon glanced to it's right. "You don't want her, you want Slayer strength to top up, don't you?" The demon pushed Jessie to the ground, it went for Craig.

It snarled, "you're no Slayer.. you're a pathetic little boy."

"No.. I just look like one," Craig said. He punched the demon as hard as he could, it fell backwards onto the ground. Craig quickly held the hand he punched with, "damn it."

Jessie pulled herself up, "oh god, are you ok?"

"It's kinda broken," Craig muttered in response.

The demon started to pull itself back up, "want me to fix the other hand for you?"

"No, but thanks for the offer," Craig replied, he kicked it back onto the ground. He put his foot on top of the demon's neck.

Jessie shrugged, "I could of done that."

Craig nudged the demon with his foot, it didn't move. He walked over to Jessie, "yeah probably."

The two heard clapping coming from further down the corridor, they both turned their heads to the source.

"Well done, you passed the test," Wesley said cheerfully.

"Test, what test?" Craig asked.

Wesley glanced down a the demon, "well this whole thing of course."

"You summoned them here to test me?" Craig said in a bewildered tone of voice.

"Partially yes. I thought you had grown too dependant on your strength, so what better way to test that theory than a simple little body swap exercise?" Wesley replied.

"You did this to them, how?" Jessie questioned.

"Simple, I told young Bryan to press a few buttons while James was nearby somebody normal. I have dealt with these kind of ships before. Don't blame him, he didn't know what was going to happen," Wesley replied.

Jessie shrugged, "ok." She punched Wesley in the face, "now fix it or I'll do something that you'll find very painful."

Wesley sat up, "I was going to anyway, there was no need for that."

"Oh but there was," Jessie muttered.

**The abandoned ship**

Wesley keyed in some commands on the wall panel, with James, Craig and Jessie standing nearby. Wesley glanced behind him briefly, "Jessie I'd move away or you'll get affected too." Jessie groaned, she moved away a few metres.

The forcefield appeared around Craig and James, a few seconds later they collapsed.

"There, it's done," Wesley said.

Jessie tapped her commbadge, "Sickbay, we're ready."

_In: "Acknowledged."_

James and Craig dematerialised. Jessie glanced at Wesley, "we're not finished though."

"Honey, have you ever heard of tough love? I needed to know if James was a good Slayer or not," Wesley said.

"I think James has had enough tough love for one lifetime. What you did was sick," Jessie said, folding her arms.

"I can understand why you think that," Wesley muttered.

"Well understand this," Jessie said as she tapped her commbadge again. "Transporter Room, beam me up."

_In: "What about the other guy?"_

"Oh he wants to stay behind," Jessie replied. She tapped her commbadge again.

"What are you doing?" Wesley asked.

Jessie just smiled sweetly, "bye bye Wes." She dematerialised.

Wesley shook his head, "what a bitch."

**THE END**

**A/N** Season Four picks up from here on out. This episode is currently sitting, far from challenged, on the top of the favourite episodes chart on the official site (I dunno why though, IMO it's nothing special). A lot of my readers on the official vote for this season as the best, and like all but 2/3 of the episodes. You can see the results for yourself "**N**": www. fifthvoyager. net / voteep-results . html . So if you want the series to continue here let me know, you see I'm not sure if anyone's still interested in Fifth Voyager. No this is not a beg for a review, I can't do that seriously. Instead just put this on **story alert**, then I'll know that more is wanted, without forcing people to review asking for more. No offense to any writers who do ask "please review if you want it continued", it's a good system and whatnot, nothing wrong with it, but I just can't stomach asking it.. especially if nobody does it, and I look like a big fool. At least with a story alert other people can't see how many people have done it lol.

Wether or not this episode does well here may determine what I do with the rest of Season Four on this site. However the official site readers do appear to like the extra characters, here is another issue apparently and well this episode would disappoint readers here in that area. We'll see.

"**N**" - This site blanks out URL's.. so if typing the URL like I did above works, just copy and remove the spaces. Or just go to the site linked to on my profile, enter, on the menu click on the **Voting For Episodes** link in the **FEEDBACK** category, then click on the results link at the top of the page.


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